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Thursday, April 8, 2010

Alone.

I hate being alone. I've never liked it. I grew up the 3rd child of 4, right in the middle of an older and younger sister. I've always shared a room, whether it be with my older sister, younger sister, roomates in college or now- my husband.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm an introvert for sure. It's not that I have to be around lots of action and people like an extrovert. In fact, I hate being around big groups of people. It drains all the energy out of me to have be social and friendly to strangers. But, put me in an intimate setting- coffee date with a girlfriend, dinner date with my hubby, craft time with my sister, and I could talk and be happy for hours!

That's just it. I like close relationships- I don't like small talk and introductions. I want to be intimate, and not in a romantic way (well, only with my husband). I want to feel the warmth and safety of a good friend who knows me well enough to deal with me being real. I feel I have to put up boundaries, barriers and masks of friendly faces with others- they can't handle the "real" me. I guess that's what I'm thinking.

I don't know. It's just hard for me to sit by myself, hop into bed by myself, eat dinner by myself. And tonight that's just what I'm in for. Alone. Hubby's off out of town on business and for some reason this night it is particularly hard for me to not throw a giant pity party for one.

Does any one else know this feeling? Or am I alone in that too?

5 comments:

RedFlame said...

I am with you there, I am alone all day long during the week and I hate it. If my husband is gone during the evenings, its way worse.
I like talking to people or hearing people's voices, so I often listen to audiobooks, I find that helps. Maybe that would help you on those lonely nights. Hang in there!

emosback said...

Thanks for your kind words :) Most nights I end up on Hulu for WAY too long! I guess your tip is a little better for my brain cells...

Karmen Mitchell said...

I know the feeling! My hubby works nights!!! For four nights, I am home alone and sleep alone. I see him briefly in the morning (on some days) before I leave. I usually get home before he wakes up. It's so hard, especially when you want so badly to just be with the person you love and to spend time with them. But, when they're gone, it's so hard to have energy and motivation. I have such a hard time falling asleep on those four nights he's working!

I just keep telling myself that it's not for the rest of my life. It's only "temporary" and also to really cherish the times he's here a lot more.

Never Done Project said...

I can also relate, and I find the longer I've been with my husband, the more I dislike evenings/nights alone. If I know that he's going to be gone, I try to plan something special for myself. Sometimes it's just finding a movie to watch that I know he wouldn't like, or making a dinner that is also only to my liking (like my secret pleasure, macaroni and cheese from a box). And then I spend the whole evening crocheting - guilt free!

Rachel said...

I love the "real you." I'm glad you dislike being fake! That is a good thing!